NFL Week Eight on TV: Down & Dirty

On Sunday, Fox will once again have the double-header. In the Columbus, Ohio TV market, WBNS will show a Browns-Bears pillowfight. Over on WTTE, it will be Colts-49ers at 1:00. This could be considered a "local" matchup, because one fourth of Columbus's football fans are Colts fans. At 4:15 will be undoubtedly the game of the week: Vikings at Packers, Brett Favre's triumphant return to Green Bay for the first time since his retirement from retirement from retirement.

Once More Unto the Breach Against Local Affiliates

Well, once again, the local affiliates in the Columbus, Ohio market have wooed us with woofer games this weekend and sticking with them once they're out of hand for the "local" team. See, Columbus is a weird city, where Ohio State football dominates the town, but the city's NFL fans are split in nearly four equal parts into Browns fans, Bengals fans, Steelers fans, and Colts fans. Meanwhile, WBNS and WTTE, the city's CBS and Fox affiliates that broadcast NFL games on Sunday afternoons typically schedule "local" matchups. Now, that's fine. What really irks me is when A.) they continue to broadcast the game when it's way out of hand for the "local" team and there's a better game out there that they keep showing those game breaks, almost teasing us because we're watching a bad game, or B.) when there's a Browns-Bengals double-header on WBNS and WTTE, who by NFL rules, can only show one game that afternoon, shows a woofer game with no "local" implications. Instead, they should show Fox's #1 game on their lineup that will be called by Joe Buck and Troy Aikman. They have the opportunity to, so why don't they!

On Sunday, WTTE stuck with the Browns-Packers pillowfight into the second half when it was 27-3 and then 34-3 Packers. They could've easily switched to the more exciting and competitive Steelers-Vikings collision. Now, in CBS's defense, none of the games on their lineup were any good, and the affiliate in Columbus showed Jersey/B at Oakland at 4:05. Maybe all the Steeler fans in my area have DirecTV/NFL Sunday Ticket and can watch what games that aren't on SNF or MNF on Sunday afternoons.

It's Not A Double Reverse!: Two ESPN bobbleheads (Chris Berman and Hannah Storm) called Reggie Bush's 10-yard touchdown a "double reverse", which probably has not occurred in the NFL since Super Bowl XIII in 1978, when Drew Pearson took the double reverse from Tony Dorsett and fumbled (check out the complete game on YouTube, it occurred on the fifth play of the game). And more than likely, the Fox commentators said the same thing, too, although I did not see Fox's broadcast. Okay, here's what happened: Drew Bress faked the give to Mike Bell and gave the ball to Devery Henderson coming around from his slotback position (if nothing else would've happened this would simply have been an end around). Then, Henderson gave the ball to Reggie Bush who was coming around from his split end position. The ball only reversed direction once, thus this play was simply a reverse, not a double reverse. Get it right, guys!

Greg Gumbel and Dan Dierdorf, CBS's #2 commatating pair, have called both Raider games against New Jersey (combined score of 82-7 in favor of New Jersey). Aye carumba!

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In other NFL news, maybe the unwritten rule that the over-dressed coaching staff loses the game applies to players, too. JaMarcus Russell wore a stocking cap on the sidelines, despite a gametime temperature in Oakland in the low-70s. Another unwritten rule of football is a successful fake punt/figgie = victory. This was true against the Raiders on Sunday, as the Jersey/B punter Steven Weatherford took a fake punt for 16 yards and a first down. Speaking of Jersey/B, what was Mark Sanchez doing on the field in the fourth quarter! And what was Cedric Benson doing on the field in the fourth quarter for the Bengals! Can't the scabs run up the middle for a few minutes and let the stars cool off?

How about that Cardinals-Jersey/A game, huh? It had to have been one of the best wins in the 110-year history of the Cardinals franchise. The game itself was pretty professional, although there were more than a few turnovers. But, the Giants are really reeling. Their defense just isn't what it was ever since Steve Spagnuolo became head coach of Les Mouflons. In the past two seasons, their defensive line would just make lunch meat of opposing o-lines. But now, their pass rush in rather vanilla and has given too much time for human automatic rifles Drew Brees and Kurt Warner. Whereas the Cardinals defense has been re-vamped. Although their new defense is blitz-wacky, they do it on first and second downs, and play straight coverage on third down (both teams played alot of straight defense on third down). It was nice to see the Cardinals defense win the game for them on a night when their offense wasn't firing on all cylinders.

Who Leads The NFL In Touchdowns Passes?: Why, it's Peyton Manning, of course, with 17.

Can't Anyone Run Up The Middle For A Yard, Anymore?: Apparently no, as the Cardinals forced an Ahmad Bradshaw fumble and took over at their own 42 with 3:52 remaining in the game. They lead by a touchdown. They went incomplete, six-yard pass to Fitzgerald, incomplete, punt. Even if they still wouldn't have gotten a first down, they still would've ran more time off than what they had done. Thankfully, Ben Patrick's punt was good and forced the Giants to start a possible comeback drive at their own nine.

Jim Zorn, whose job title would read "Head Coach of the Washington Redskins" did next to nothing on Monday Night, because "Chainsaw" Dan Snyder yanked play-calling duties from him. Most of us seriously doubt that play-calling are the reasons for the Redskins' woes. It's, well, Snyder himself (and that the Redskins have no talent)! Since he "relieved" Zorn of play-calling duties, Snyder thought Zorn would resign, but because Zorn is such a smart guy, he'll wait for the end of the season so he can get all of his contract money from "Chainsaw" Dan. This act however, was not expected on the part of Mr. Snyder. Dan Snyder, Al Davis, and Jerry Jones are the three menaces to society that are owners of NFL teams. It's scary stuff (just in time for Halloween).

Who Leads The NFL In Rushing?: Why, it's Cincinnati Bengal Cedric Benson, silly!

Sweet Play That Turned Sour: Antrel Rolle, a safety for the Cardinals, lined up at quarterback in the Wildcat and threw a picture-perfect pass to a wide-open Larry Fitzgerald that he dropped as if the ball was a beaker of H1N1. Not to mention, there was a tick-tacky hold called on tight end Ben Patrick.

Useless Stats Section:

Alex Smith, in relief of Shaun Hill, threw more touchdown passes than Matt Schaub and the Squared Sevens lost. Amazingly, Smith threw less interceptions than touchdowns.

Brett Favre threw 51 passes for 334 yards and the Vikings lost.

The Flying Elvii have won their last two games by a combined score of 94-7.

You've just got to feel sorry for Steven Jackson, who himself rushed for 134 yards and Les Mouflons lost their 17th straight game.

The New Orleans Saints have scored 238 points so far this season. They are on-pace to score 634 points. The NFL record is 589 by the 2007 New England Patriots.

The Lucky Charms have won 15 straight regular season games.

Jersey/B has 628 yards rushing in the past two games.

The Broncos did not win a game this weekend (they had a bye).

The Flaming Thumbtacks did not lose a game this weekend (they had a bye).

NEW!! College Football Scores From Schools You've Never Heard Of:

Stillman 42, Lane 20. Stillman, a D-II school located in West Tuscaloosa, Alabama whose mascot is the tigers. Sammie Lee Hill and Brian Witherspoon (no, you're not supposed to know who they are) are alumns in the NFL.

Norwich 48, Anna Maria 0. Well, of course an entire town would beat a single lady! Now, that's not very respectful now, is it?

Concordia-St. Paul 57, Upper Iowa 56 (2OT). A basketball score from two obscure schools. Now, that's what I call football!

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Here is an exclusive video of Reggie Bush's reverse-not-double reverse on ESPN:

Here is another exclusive video of Mark Sanchez eating a hot dog on the sideline. A generous fine is probably on the way (because eating stadium food on the sidelines is against NFL rules).

This Weekend of Yuck

This weekend, Columbus, Ohio's Fox affiliate will be having a Browns-Bengals double-header (they're playing the Packers and Bears, respectively). Over on the city's CBS affiliate will be Jets at Oakland at 4:05. Normally, I would be screaming as to why they scheduled such a crappy-looking game, but the other choices on CBS's schedule are pretty much of equal caliber (Chargers-Chiefs, Colts-Rams, Pats-Bucs [in London], Bills-Panthers and the aforementioned Jets-Raiders). Once again, it looks like Phil Simms and Jim Nantz of CBS will be calling another powerhouse blowout of another cupcake opponent, but in the confines of Wembley Stadium in London, England, where the Pats will not travel to until Friday. I guess this game would be my choice to watch on the eye network, even if the game is bad, at least I'll be getting quality commentary.

This weekend is one where DirecTV's bogus Sunday NFL Ticket package would make sense because three of this Sunday afternoon's premiere matchups will be on Fox (Vikings-Steelers at 1:00 and Falcons-Cowboys or Saints-Dolphins at 4:15).

Six teams have byes this week (Ravens, Broncos, Titans, Jaguars, Lions, and Seahawks). Notice that the teams with byes could be split three ways: cover-your-eyes bad, average and elite. It's amazing that when just two great teams are off, it throws the balance of the TV schedules off so greatly that the "premiere" games of this Sunday afternoon are with the average teams.

SNF is Giants-Cardinals, which was a good one last year, as it should be once again this year. MNF is Redskins-Eagles. Look for the Eagles to pass 40-45 times and rush 10-15 times despite the game either being tied at zero or lead by the Eagles. This is merely an observation, as I enjoy passing teams that are successful because it annoys the purists.

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One More Useless Stat To Ponder: If you extrapolate Drew "Human Automatic Rifle" Brees's current passing stats, he's on pace to throw only six interceptions this season and be sacked only 13 times.

Important: The Pats Did Not Run Up The Score Against the Titans

As much as I'd like to think that the Pats ran up the score on Sunday, they really didn't, despite winning 59-0. 45 of those points came in the first half, and their final touchdown came with the backup offense on the field in the third quarter. I watched the game until CBS cut away after New England scored their 52nd point. The second reason why the Patriots were able to score that many points was because the Titans just did not show up at all. They really didn't. Despite having 193 yards rushing, the Titans only complied -7 yards passing on only two completions. And obviously their defense was non-existent, giving up 619 yards of offense (426 by the pass, 193 on the ground) and 32 first downs.

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In 2008, the Titans and Buccaneers had a combined record of 24-10. Through week 6 of 2009 they are a combined 0-12.

The New York Jets compiled 312 rushing yards and lost.

Drew Bledose's Single-Season Pass Attempts Record is Safe: Tom Brady has thrown 241 passes so far this season. He is on pace to throw 642 passes this season, well short of Drew Bledsoe's mark of 691 from 1994.

Joe Flacco passed for 385 yards and the Ravens lost.

All four of the Washington Redskins' losses have come to teams that were previously winless (Giants, Lions, Panthers and Chiefs).

The two wins by the Redskins were by differentials of two (9-7) and three (16-13).

Derek Anderson, who has taken nearly all of Cleveland's offensive snaps in the past two games, has 11 pass completions during that span. One of which was a win.

In the first three weeks of this season Mark Sanchez threw four touchdowns to two interceptions. In the past three weeks, he has thrown one touchdown and eight interceptions.

The Giants-Saints game kicked off shortly after 1:00 PM Eastern. The game ended at 4:30 PM Eastern. It did not go into overtime (the Saints won 48-27). Reason being: both teams kept throwing the ball well into the fourth quarter, prolonging the game.

The Jets-Bills game kicked off shortly after 4:00 PM Eastern. The game ended at 8:07 PM when Rian Lindell, who honked an earlier kick, booted the game-winning figgie with 2:49 left in overtime.

The Falcons-Bears game kicked off shortly before 8:30 PM Eastern. It ended at 11:27 PM Eastern (roughly two hours and 59 minutes in length), becoming one of the shortest games in TheDood's recent memory.

The Over-Dressed Coach Won!: One thing I notice is that the team with the over-dressed coaching staff loses. This was untrue last night as Josh McDaniels of the Broncos wore a hoodie and baseball cap, when the average high in San Diego in October is still 75. Losing coach Norv Turner sported simply a polo shirt.

Going back to last season's playoffs, Jake Delhomme has thrown 15 interceptions in the past six games and threw another pick-six against City of Tampa on Sunday.

Ay Carumba!

WBNS, the CBS affiliate in Columbus, OH decided to show Oranges (Release 3.0b) at Steelers, which should be over by halftime, instead of Moo Cows at Cats at 1:00 PM Eastern. Ay carumba. And if it's 45-3 Steelers going into the 4th Quarter, they will undoubtedly show every coma-inducing snap of the final 15 minutes. The only consolation is that over on WTTE, Columbus's Fox affiliate, will have Jersey/A at Saints.

The second half of CBS's double-header will be Flaming Thumbtacks at Flying Elvii (upset special, anyone?). There is no game on Fox in my area at 4:05 or 4:15.

The best game of the week should be on Sunday night, just the way the NFL wants it to be (Bears at Falcons). And the Monday night game is the 5-0 Broncs and the 2-2 Bolts. Again, should be a good one.

The Broncos Unis Shall Be Kept Out of Reach of Children

For how bad the Broncos uniforms are pretty much equals how good the team is. Their win confirm at least one thing: Josh McDaniels is indeed a human being and not the robotic, pompous, know-it-all that his so-called "mentor" Bill Belichick is, who faked trying to look for his student whom beat him on the field, to go back into the locker room to cry with his team like the poor losers that the Flying Elvii are. Now back to McDaniels, I've had change of heart about him. He obviously hasn't gotten his emotional spark from Bill Belichick, it must be something he has in him. Which is good because that means he's not a complete clone from Belichick, like say, Eric Mangini is. Although I'm still sort of discouraged about the bonehead, rookie coaching decisions he made in the off-season. But the Broncos are 5-0. 'Nuff said.

Once again, complaints will be made about the NFL's overtime rule, because the Patriots never got a chance to get the ball on offense. However, they had plenty of chances on defense to stop the Broncos, including a 3rd & 1 at the Pats' 48 where they passed.

One LOL from the game was that Kyle Orton's Hail Mary pass to close out the 1st half was intercepted by Randy Moss, who could not catch a pass from Tom Brady in the 1st half (although in his defense, he wasn't thrown to).

TheDood has formally renamed the Cincinnati Tootsie-Rolls/Bengals into the Cardiac Cats because of their thrilling finishes. A doctor is now on-hand to get blood pressure readings from TheDood throughout the 4th Quarters of Bengals games.

Cedric Benson is the first 100-yard rusher against the Nevermores since November of 2006 when Larry Johnson did it.

So, the Squared Sevens aren't invincible, anymore. Roddy White, who had the best receiving year in the franchise history of the Atlanta Falcons last year, caught 8 passes for 210 yards and 2 touchdowns on Sunday. I took enjoyment out of watching wackjob/hall-of-fame linebacker/coach Mike Singletary spewing made-for-TV insults at a public library conversation decibel level at his players on the sideline.

How has putz/owner of the Potomac Drainage Basin Indigenous Persons Dan Snyder not fired Jim Zorn, yet? They averted the Carolina Panthers' perfect season yesterday by losing to them. Remember, he fired Norv Turner in 2000 in the midst of their playoff run, hired and fired Marty Schottenheimer after an 8-8 season, hired and fired Steve Spurrier after he failed to run up scores against the NFC East, went back into the history of the Persons' by hiring and firing Joe Gibbs, and forced him to change his offensive scheme after a run where they averaged 35 points a game. Although, if Zorn were to be fired, Snyder would have to fill three coaching positions because Zorn is the head coach, the quarterbacks coach, and the offensive coordinator.

The Oranges (Release 3.0b) also averted a perfect season by beating the Bills 6-3 in the Lehman Bros. Game of the Week. Derek Anderson completed 2 of 17 passes for 23 yards and an interception. Although Jamal Lewis carried 31 times for 117 yards.

The Lucky Charms have won 14 straight games going back to last season and whaddaya know, they play Les Mouflons next week, losers of 15 straight.

Tom Brady through five games, has thrown 207 passes (he had a mere 33 on Sunday). That's a rounded average of 41 per game. He's on pace to throw 662 passes this season, so it looks like Drew Bledsoe's 1994 record of 691 is safe, for now.

Welcome Back Matt Hasselbeck!: He merely fired 4 touchdowns and pitched a shutout against the amazingly average Jaguars.

Welcome Back Donovan McNabb!: He merely fired 3 touchdowns of 51, 20, and 40 yards, bruised rib and all against the perfect City of Tampa.

How bad are the Raiders?: So bad that they only passed 13 times in a 44-7 loss to Jersey/A. Even though the Raiders were out of it the moment the opening kick boomed, they surely should've attempted to fight and comeback.

Here is a Dood Super-Duper Blog of NFL Footballness exclusive: This year, especially, there seems to be a huge disparity between the good teams and the bad teams. There are still five undefeated teams (Colts, Vikings, Saints, Broncos, Jersey/A) and four defeated teams (Chiefs, Titans, Rams, City of Tampa) with only a couple of average teams (Cardinals, Jaguars, and Steelers come to mind). Of those, the four ultimate losers are nowhere near the same level as even the average teams. With all of the great quarterback play the past season (Manning, Warner, Roethlisberger, Brees, Manning, Rodgers, Cutler, Favre, McNabb, Pennington, Schaub, Rivers all had good years) those crappy teams are the only ones that didn't have a remotely good quarterback. Hell, even journeymen Gus Frerotte was 8-3 as a starter despite throwing 15 interceptions to 12 touchdowns with the Vikings, last year (check out his page on pro-football-reference.com. It's mighty colorful.). Remember this is a Dood Super-Duper Blog of NFL Footballness Exclusive.

Now that the NFL week is over, I can now reflect upon the great Monday Night game that was played last night. The Jersey/B defense looked confused and seemed to over-pursue too much, and biting on every play-action fake by the Marine Mammals. And they also seemed to just watch in awe of the Wildcat, which should take none by surprise, but it still does after nearly two years in the NFL. Despite the over-pursuing Jersey/B defense, the Marine Mammals rushers were still able to break tackles and get big gains. Ricky Williams, 32, in his 11th NFL season, had 68 yards on 11 carries. His longest rush was 18 yards, and it was on the "Speed Sweep" play from the Wildcat, which Ron Jaworski vehemently said was "a new look from the Wildcat offense". Needless to say I laughed and thought "Jaws, you're smarter than that. You could've looked up 'Wildcat formation' on Wikipedia, or read my blog!".

Free Games Are Feast or Famine

That's right. In the past weeks, I've complained about the woofer games that were shown in my area for free. Now, this weekend, the Bolts, Bears, Packers, and Saints, all quality teams for the most part, have byes. In fact, the games this weekend are so bad that Joe Buck and Troy Aikman are calling a game involving the perfect 0-4 Chiefs and the sputtering Cowboys. This game will not be shown in my area, with WTTE opting to show the movie Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back. They will however, join Fox's coverage of the NFL at 4:05 to show the 49ers vs Falcons, probably the 2nd best Sunday game. WBNS will have a double-header, the 1:02 game will be Tootsie-Rolls @ Nevermores, a great AFC North matchup which will decide who will lead the division (they're tied for first), not that it matters as much because we're only a quarter of the way through the season, but it's a game, nonetheless. The 4:15 will be the nationally televised Flying Elvii @ Broncos with Phil Simms and Jim Nantz at the mike.

The Sunday night game is a woofer, Lucky Charms @ Flaming Thumbtacks. The Lucky Charms have been in three nationally televised games in so many weeks and the Flaming Thumbtacks are a perfect 0-4. The Monday night game is Jersey/B @ Marine Mammals. Should be a good one.

Going back to this blog's title, it's interesting that in a week with mostly woofer games, my area gets all the premiere matchups. The Browns do play on Sunday, at 1:00 in Buffalo, which, thankfully, won't be shown outside those team's markets. I still go back to Week 2, when WTTE had scheduled Saints @ Eagles for their 1:00 game, but wound up showing Vikings @ Peugeots instead. I've seen all Vikings games except for the one against the Squared Sevens. Conversely, I have not seen any Saints or Bears games, other than the first one against Green Bay, where the Bears were still in training camp for all intensive purposes.